Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize