You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
