you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
