I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I FOUND THE LEGS
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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