happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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