You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Why did my mother make you get naked?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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