I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
