i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
