used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
