I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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