im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
