hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize