I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
