i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
did i just pee glitter
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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