Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
