dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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