is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
