I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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