I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
