You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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