just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
