My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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