I didn't shave. On purpose
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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