My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
