so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
