you guys were way drunker than both of me
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
