I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize