its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
