her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
