By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize