are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
