I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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