Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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