am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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