ya dads aren't the best wingmen
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
