i wish there were pregnant emoticons
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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