so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
