these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
