I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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