dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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