I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
