3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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