Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm at about main and main street
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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