Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
