I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize