She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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