you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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