I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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