Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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