i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
