In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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