He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
too bad you live with your parents still
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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