...so i touched it.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
