WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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