Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
BRING THE BAGELS
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
