No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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