it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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