It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
