Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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