idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize