I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
