If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
