I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Randomize
