Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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