I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
