singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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