The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
