this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
